For me, the only ongoing difficulty in saying bye-bye to booze is that I miss the feeling of connection when sharing a beverage. I don’t miss the buzz—a fuzzy connection is far inferior to a clear-eyed one—but I do miss the camaraderie of partaking in a communal refreshment. In the end, the question of whether to serve alcohol comes down to what I—or you—as the host feel most comfortable with. If having alcohol in your house, purchasing it, or being around it is triggering or makes you want to drink, then absolutely do not do that. The solution, for me, however, came out of my friendship with my neighbor and a routine we developed as we were navigating the changing “drinkscape” of our relationship after I gave up alcohol. No longer would we be sharing a bottle of wine like we used to, but we wanted to maintain that sense of connection. So we came up with a plan: We would concoct a shrub or a flavored syrup together that we could then mix with soda, water, juice, or a little something “extra”­­—a favorite spirit for her, a spritz for me. With our new plan, we both enjoyed a beverage, experienced the adventure of mutually creating something, and continued to spend time together.

Since coming up with this plan, I’ve expanded this add-on approach to all of my get-togethers, keeping them alcohol-free friendly while also allowing those who want to imbibe the chance to do so. For large and small groups alike, I whip up pitchers of NA cocktails with flavors that can stand up to the addition of booze or a spritz. I add labels of what’s in each pitcher and then alongside I present an array of leaded and unleaded mix-ins (again, clearly marked) for myself and my guests. Voilà! Everyone’s happy, and I find even the most devoted drinkers like to opt for a mocktail on their last round. In addition to the drinks themselves, this also keeps the experience the same for everyone involved—same glass, same color, same everything so no one is standing out like a sore thumb. I enjoy knowing that I have a nice option for myself and my NA friends and that no one is looking around wondering where they can find some alcohol. 

When my liquor-loving friends generously ask what they can bring, I assign them a bottle of their preferred spirit to mix into the featured cocktail. I still receive my hostess gold star by providing most of the drink, but I’m not providing the part that doesn’t work for me anymore. When the party’s over, the drinkers get the extra bonus of taking their hooch home with them (or if you’re OK having it around you can save it for the next time). Once I got this formula down I began to feel at ease as a hostess again and enjoyed sharing these almost-the-same drinks with my friends as we raise a glass together.