Nicole Pietrandrea Hough for AFTER: I remember the first time we met [at a Sans Bar party in 2022] and you mentioned you were working on this book called Dry Humping and I thought, “That’s so freakin clever!” And now I’ve just finished reading it! There’s a lot to unpack here. Let’s start with you, and then we’ll talk about the book and some key points. 

At what point did you know you had to write this book? 

Tawny Lara: When I first got sober—November 30, 2015—the thought of dating, let alone having sex, without alcohol scared the hell out of me. In 2015 the sober world was not what it is now. It was still very traditional AA. “Sober curious” wasn’t a household term yet, and there were not a ton of resources on sober dating and sober relationships. The ones that were out there—like a fabulous book called Sex In Recovery by Jennifer Matesa which I highly recommend—were written with a 12-step perspective. That helped me quite a bit but, as you know, 12-step was not part of my journey. So I wanted to put a resource out there that younger-me needed back then. [My book is intended] for sober-curious people, or anyone who just wants to be more mindful of the way that alcohol intersects with their love life. I’ve tried to use as much inclusive language as possible because it really is meant for everyone.

N: I noticed it is very inclusive in terms of alcohol, sexuality, gender, and all different perspectives.

T: I interviewed dozens of people for this book: mental health professionals, doctors, neurologists, biochemists…. I wanted to understand the science. Then I interviewed regular people: sober, sober-curious, “normal” drinkers. I wanted to really understand everyone’s perspective on relationships and alcohol. I’m not anti-alcohol. If you can find a healthy relationship with alcohol, then good for you. I will say I am anti the societal norms that alcohol has created. I’m anti-big-alcohol. And I want to encourage people to get creative and think outside the box when it comes to dating and alcohol. Don’t just say, “Let’s grab a drink.” Let’s get creative here.