Dear Heather,
After 35 years in the corporate world, where I had to pretend to be an extrovert to succeed, I’m finally in a season of life where I can just be myself. The truth is, I find being around people draining, even people I love, like my sweet husband. I used to cope with that exhaustion by drinking. Now that I’m sober, I avoid crowds entirely (even sober ones), and I get my inspiration quietly, through podcasts, blogs, and Instagram accounts like yours.
My question is, how can I honor my introversion in sobriety without isolating myself? And how do I navigate this new season of authenticity without feeling like I’m doing recovery “wrong” just because I don’t want to be part of a group?
Signed,
Introvert
Dear Introvert,
First, let me say this as your sober coach: you are not doing recovery wrong.
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to sobriety, and your recovery doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. You don’t need to join big group meetings, attend packed sober events, or engage in every online thread to “prove” you’re doing the work. The work is within you. And as an introvert, that’s actually your strength.
Sobriety Isn’t a Performance, It’s a Return To Self
You spent decades pretending to be someone else in order to succeed. Now, you’re in a season of unlearning and remembering. You’re returning to your truest self: the one who finds energy in solitude, inspiration in stillness, and connection through deep, quiet channels like books, podcasts, nature walks, and heartfelt one-on-one conversations.
This is not avoidance. This is alignment.
Yes, you used to drink to manage the exhaustion that came with people-pleasing and overextending. Now that you’re sober, it’s only natural that you’re more protective of your energy. That’s not isolation, it’s discernment.
Community Doesn’t Have to Be Loud
You don’t need a crowd to feel connected. Community can mean listening to a podcast that speaks to your soul. Reading a blog post that makes you whisper, “Me too.”
Sending a DM to someone who inspires you. Or journaling your truth and trusting that the Universe hears it. You might find comfort in:
A small sober book club
An online support group where you can participate quietly
A sober coach (like me!) who understands your wiring
Nature, creativity, music, and personal rituals that ground you
Authentic connection doesn’t have to come from many , it just needs to come from real.
Isolation vs. Introspection
Let’s be honest: introversion can sometimes tip into isolation, especially in early sobriety. The key is not in forcing yourself to be social, but in checking in with your why. Are you avoiding others because you feel ashamed or unworthy? Or are you choosing solitude because it restores your nervous system and helps you stay regulated?
One is fear-driven. The other is self-honoring.
When you root your choices in self-love rather than self-protection, you’ll find your rhythm. And sometimes, that rhythm will lead you to say yes to a connection that feels safe. Not because you have to, but because you want to.
This Is What Doing It Right Looks Like
You are choosing not to numb.
You are choosing to feel.
You are choosing to heal.
You are choosing to be yourself—finally.
And for someone who spent 35 years pretending, that’s not just recovery. That’s revolution.
With Love,
Coach Heather
