Dear Coach Heather,

I know I’m on the right path in my sobriety, but when I see pictures of people drinking and having fun on social media it triggers feelings of jealousy. These posts make me feel left out or like I’m missing out on something. How do I handle these feelings without it affecting my recovery?

Sincerely, Envious Online

Dear Envious,

First, I want to acknowledge that these feelings of jealousy are completely natural. Social media, with its carefully curated moments, can often make us feel like we’re missing out, especially when it comes to drinking culture. It’s important to remember that what we see online is usually only the highlight reel, not the full picture. People post the moments they want others to see, not necessarily the messy, difficult ones. But even knowing that, it can still sting when you feel like you’re on the outside looking in.

Here’s how to approach and manage feelings of jealousy without letting them derail your sobriety:

Recognize the Feeling Without Judging It

Jealousy doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you human. It’s a normal emotional reaction, especially when you’re in recovery and navigating a culture that still places a high value on drinking. Instead of trying to push away the feeling or judge yourself for it, try to acknowledge it with curiosity. Ask yourself honestly, ‘Why does this post trigger me?’ Is it the fear of missing out? A sense of comparison? Maybe it’s a feeling of longing for a past version of yourself? By understanding the root of your jealousy, you can address it more effectively. In my own experience, walking by people enjoying drinks on a patio used to trigger me, but I learned that what I was really craving was a sense of belonging, not the alcohol. (Pretending all the drinks were nonalcoholic does also help, though.)

Reframe the Narrative

When you feel jealous, take a moment to reframe the situation in a way that aligns with your goals and your growth. Remind yourself why you’re sober and how far you’ve come. Jealousy often arises from comparing yourself to others, but your path is unique and powerful. The moments you’re missing out on may not be the whole truth. And what you’re gaining in sobriety— emotional clarity, physical health, deeper connections, and a more authentic life—is much more profound.

Limit Social Media Exposure

If you notice that certain posts are consistently triggering negative emotions, it’s okay to mute or unfollow accounts with content that makes you feel bad (including friends’ accounts). This is about protecting your peace. Curating your social media feed to include accounts that inspire you, support your sobriety, or promote healthy living can help shift your mindset and keep you grounded in your journey. I deleted everything that made me feel bad after giving up alcohol and filled my feed with inspiring sober accounts.

Use the Feeling as a Reminder

Jealousy can be a powerful signal that there’s something you need to process or reflect on. Use it as a reminder of what you’re working towards: emotional stability, healthier habits, and a richer, more authentic life without alcohol. Jealousy might be a sign that there’s a part of you still attached to the past, and that’s okay. Honor that feeling, but don’t let it define you. Shift the focus back to the person you’re becoming and the steps you’re taking toward growth. Sometimes nostalgia about past drinking is revisionist history. Try to keep an honest view.

Practice Gratitude for Your Journey

When jealousy arises, take a moment to express gratitude for the things you’ve gained in sobriety. Maybe you’ve reconnected with your family, had better sleep, or found new hobbies. Celebrate those wins, no matter how small they may seem. Gratitude shifts the focus from lack to abundance and helps ground you in the positive aspects of your life.

Remember, social media never captures the full story. Those moments of fun and celebration don’t tell you about the hangovers, the empty feelings, or the struggles that can accompany alcohol use. Your sober journey is your own, and it’s a powerful one. Embrace it, knowing that every time you choose sobriety over jealousy, you’re building a stronger, more resilient you.

Sincerely, Coach Heather