Periods of intense personal growth are rarely easy. Finding the strength to go from where you are now to where you want to be can be a challenging, and sometimes painful, process. After going through such a period several years ago, I managed to gather an arsenal of tools that inspired and helped me get to the other side, and to the life I wanted, which included quitting drinking, working towards my dream job, and rebuilding from what was looking like a pretty dim scenario. Through this process I learned that it is possible to turn things around and create a life that you love, no matter where you are now. Here I share some of the tools I used during this tumultuous period, with the hope that they might be useful to others who are going through a similar experience.
Who do you want to be?
I moved back to New York City during a difficult moment of personal transition. In addition to my out-of-state move, I had just ended a long-term relationship and been laid off from my job. My life had been thrown into chaos and I found myself feeling stuck, drifting away from my goals instead of working towards them. I occupied myself with fun distractions like social events, dates, and catching up with old friends, but on the inside my mental and physical health were in disarray—compounded by the fact that I was drinking frequently during these fun nights out as a coping mechanism. Looking back, I realize I was grasping for whatever stability I could find.
One of my first discoveries in my search for a way forward was the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. This book reawakened my desire to go after my goals and gave me a roadmap to get there. Specifically, I put Clear’s idea of defining your future self into action. The task is to get to know everything about who this person is—what they think, say, and do—with the goal of embodying “their” habits on the path to becoming that person. Although I had been out of the film industry for years at this point, my dream at the time was to become a Steadicam operator. It was a lofty goal and not one I was sure I could accomplish. I spent a lot of time journaling and created a set of values that I would attribute to someone who was a really amazing Steadicam camera operator (in addition to being a great daughter and friend): What kind of person was this? What would they do? What steps would they take?
