“Dearest Remorseful Mom,
Thank you for this brave and honest question. First of all, I want you to know that what you’re feeling is completely normal—and incredibly human. At about three weeks sober, many people experience a flood of emotions, especially regret. I call it “The Big Thaw!” It’s like the fog starts to lift, and what was once numbed or blurred comes into sharper focus. That can be incredibly painful. But here’s the truth: You’re not alone, and this pain is part of the healing—not a sign you’re failing.
The regret? That’s not a reason to drink. That’s a signal that you’re waking up.
You are not the sum of your past drinking behavior. You are a whole, evolving person who made choices while trying to cope, survive, or meet impossible standards—and now you’re making different ones. That matters immensely. It takes guts to stop drinking and face what you’ve buried. It takes courage to feel the weight of it and still choose sobriety. That’s what you’re doing.

Let’s talk about how to move forward:

1. Make Space for the Grief
You’re grieving time lost, choices made, and parts of life you wish you had shown up for differently. Let yourself grieve without judgment. Sobriety doesn’t erase the past—it helps you finally process it with clarity and grace. Write. Cry. Walk. Rage. Talk to someone. Don’t try to outrun the grief—let it move through you. Then put it in a box and set it on the shelf for when you’re ready to address it again. It doesn’t have to overwhelm you and you don’t have to “fix everything” at once.
2. Zoom Out
You’re not at the end of your story—you’re at the start of a new chapter. Your child is graduating, and what a profound moment to meet it clear-eyed and present. They will see you now. And that means something. They will remember the version of you who chose to change. You are still showing up—and that is powerful. When you look back on this time you will remember with clarity how you are showing up now.
3. Repair Happens in the Present
You may not be able to undo the past, but you can repair it starting from where you are. This repair happens through consistent, small acts of honesty, love, presence, and accountability. That might look like financial healing, rebuilding your health, or being open with loved ones. Trust is rebuilt moment by moment, and it starts with the trust you build with yourself.
4. Forgiveness Is a Practice, Not a One-Time Event
Self-forgiveness is a process. It may come slowly, in waves. You don’t have to feel forgiven to begin practicing it. One breath at a time, one truth at a time, one sober morning at a time. Changed behavior is always the best apology. This was my mantra my entire first year of sobriety!
5. Please Don’t Isolate
Shame loves silence. Regret festers in isolation. Find your people. Keep talking. Whether it’s to a coach, a support group, or a trusted friend—don’t try to muscle through this alone. Community is medicine.
You may not be able to change the past, but your presence today has power. Your sobriety will echo into the lives of those around you in ways you can’t yet see.
You don’t have to carry the whole weight all at once. Just carry this moment.
You are not too late. You are right on time.

With love,
Coach Heather”