I started taking a daily “temperature check” of what my mind, body, and spirit needed to feel its best. I learned that I could hear my thoughts by becoming still, quiet, and curious. I was able to achieve this in a variety of ways: slowing down, meditating, walking in nature without headphones, and, most significantly, journaling. Throughout my sober-curious journey, journaling helped me to process the many feelings and emotions rising to the surface. Each morning, setting an intention for the day and emptying my thoughts onto the paper became a cathartic practice.

What transpired on those pages was a blossoming and trusting of my intuition. As my truth poured onto paper, I felt a literal sense of relief in my body from finally allowing myself to acknowledge my authentic thoughts about the changes I was going through. The more I did this the more I realized my true thoughts and emotions were a navigation system guiding me to my values and integrity. If something felt off I learned to trust the sensation and get curious about how that thing might not be in line with who I am—or want to be—deep down. I found myself finding the answers within, not externally. By listening to my thoughts, I began to trust myself once again.  

Our society constantly tells us to look outside ourselves for validation, approval, and worth. Somewhere along the way, most of us start disconnecting with that knowing; we begin to people-please, look outside ourselves, and shapeshift. We live in a comparison trap, feeling like we can never measure up. It’s in this comparison to others and an ideal life we can never attain—made worse by social media and various other societal benchmarks—that we start telling ourselves the stories that we are not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, or that we are too much, too aggressive, and so on. In order to survive we disconnect from who we are and strive instead to fit in and gain approval. I hear many women say, “I don’t even know who I am anymore.” This can be especially true after giving up alcohol. Many of us used alcohol as part of the façade we built to fit into the crowd. Without a substance to buffer us, we’re forced to look at ourselves and who we are without our masks on. It takes practice and intention to re-ignite the connection to who you really are.

As I’ve turned inward, I’ve learned to differentiate between the two kinds of inner voices and no longer wonder if I’m listening to the wrong one. I’ve learned that if you listen closely, your ego (in the philosophical sense of the word, not the arrogant know-it-all kind) is often a negative voice based in fear. Our ego’s job is to keep us safe which often means keeping us small and maintaining the status quo by scaring us out of growth and change. Our inner knowing on the other hand is a gentle voice, an understanding of something that we recognize as true without conscious reasoning. It’s a sense of being connected and guided—a remembrance of who we authentically are. It’s the voice you hear when you get still and suddenly feel that you know the right thing to do, without fear or judgment.

Here are three ways I’ve found to reconnect with my inner knowing:  

1. “I AM” Meditation/Affirmations

So often, when asked, “Who are you?” the question is met with a response like I am a mom, a dad, a teacher, a lawyer, a sister….These roles and responsibilities become our identity, which isn’t who we really are at our essence. I encourage you to make a list of who you are deep down like: I am loving, I am generous, I am creative, I am funny. If you struggle to create a list for yourself, partner with a loved one who can tell you your true essence. We all have many beautiful qualities.

Create a quiet space within your home to read these affirmations daily. Put up a photo of yourself as a child and journal who that little boy or girl was before you became self-aware and started people-pleasing.

2. Tune into the Awe, Wonder, and Magic Around You

I was always in a fog when I was drinking. Life was always a slight shade of gray. Now, alcohol-free, I look for the beauty of each day. On my walks in nature, I feel like a kid again, searching for beauty in a flower, bird, or sunset—anything that lights up my soul. This form of curious awareness shifts your brain into a state of gratitude and brings in a feeling of greater connection to the world around you. I collect heart-shape rocks and find them often on my walks. Spirit animals, signs, and even angel numbers that I see as I embark on my walks on a daily basis let me know that I am being held and loved on this journey. I get excited, like I did as a little girl, for magic to appear each day.

3. Finding Joy, Desire, and Pleasure

In our hectic lives, we get so caught up in the “doing” that we often forget to play and experience more joy. As a chronic achiever, I was always going, never slowing down enough to ask the little girl inside me what brings her joy. What does she desire? I made a list of everything I loved to do as a child. I loved to paint, so I signed up for a watercolor class. My endless to-do list disappeared in class, and my inner child beamed joyfully with each paint stroke. I felt my soul come alive again. Without alcohol in the way, my creativity emerged in my writing and my painting. Finding pleasure in life is an important, even necessary, step in growth and attaining peace. 

Reconnecting with my inner knowing has been the path to true healing in my alcohol-free journey. Through this process I’ve learned to trust myself, make decisions without fear, and heal the parts of myself I was hiding when I went along with the crowd and numbed my true thoughts. I’m grateful every day for that voice and for getting to know her better.              ***