My kids were too young to remember the time when I used to drink; to remember what it looked like for me to fail horribly at moderation; to watch me commit to sobriety and then fail again; to witness me learning how to be sober alongside learning how to be a mom.
They only know me as “mommy,” and they know mommy doesn’t drink.
I quit drinking when my son was 19 months old. The fact that he won’t remember the old me brings me peace. My daughter was born two years later, which means I was navigating new parenthood and sobriety at the same time. My husband, who still drinks, was supportive when I told him of my decision to quit and we worked together to navigate the shifts these changes brought to our relationship. Once we had that under control, we turned our intentions to how we would bring up our kids around the topics of alcohol and my sobriety.
As their parents, it is our job to prepare our kids with knowledge and critical thinking. It’s unrealistic to think our kids will never see adults drinking alcohol, but we want them to understand that alcohol is a drug. And we want them to know how to handle various situations that will certainly arise with other adults, and eventually with their peers.
When we discuss alcohol with our kids we don’t suggest that adults who drink are bad people. Quite the opposite, our hope is to teach our kids that people who drink are just like other people, but to understand that alcohol can change the way a person thinks, talks, and acts. We want them to see that drinking culture is everywhere and that they don’t have to believe the messaging they see and hear.
Through several years of trial and error, my husband and I have found boundaries and phrases we implement with our kids that feel good for me as a sober person and a mother. These are the ones that we have found most impactful for our family and will hopefully prove to be the most beneficial for our children.
